It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
