I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
