you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
