Tell her she can't have a vagina
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
