i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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