worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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