He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
