We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
