Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
