Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
