Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
