"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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