Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
