Got a toothbrush?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
