Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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