try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
