good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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