I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize