Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
please come you make the beer taste better
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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