I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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