Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't think brook has ever known best
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
