dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
