oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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