A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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