Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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