4 words: hood of his car
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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