I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
