The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
