he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
