I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
