Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
