Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
