Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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