just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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