What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
