We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well you can't waste a boner
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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