but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
