peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
