I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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