Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
