how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
