That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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