You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
