I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
