No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
