Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
