Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
