Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
