Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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