I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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