Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
