So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
