I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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