I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
