you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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