So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
