Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
