i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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