he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
