her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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