Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
