3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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