How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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