This is not my ceiling
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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