What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
