Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
