I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
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I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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