Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
