You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
