Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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