I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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