You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
