nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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