Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
