This is not my ceiling
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
