I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
