Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
