Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
