We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
