Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
