My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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