my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
