She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
