Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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