Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
