Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
